uptown love song, pt. 2.

let me sit drip sweat with you fam
I am/only as I stand here with you
never abandoned but brought together
under the most unsuspecting
of circumstances
having circumnavigated these streets
draped in superhero capes from six flags
as the only reason
we need
to love
& sweat
& show our tears
made manifest through laughter
on uncomfortable couches
or the unstable steps of the back porch
we swat playfully at instigations,
wipe away the stains
left by real ones

maybe we have never before said out loud
what we are most afraid of,
whether that’s having someone else know
the real reason you haven’t changed ur clothes
wear long sleeves in summer
maybe sunglasses even indoors.

I have been
brought to my knees
by these poems smeared
on the silhouettes of these walls
breathing life into both
familial and unfamiliar
spaces
these poems exist
not as murals or memories
they ooze from the tips of our fingers
trailing every brick & black gate
every peace sign every wave
we muster to make some
kind of connection
our fingers
our poems
our people together weaving
our every truth
into an uptown story to be sung
whether muttered under
our breath like what the fuck
can’t take this anymore
or forced out like a rooftop yawp
that fills every restless lung
every rest of us afraid to speak
the cadence of our in-between tongues

let me tell you brother
I know what it’s like to have ur tongue tied
by years of silence across a dinner table

sing sister
the long low wail
of survival

we poets be
the crack between
a sidewalk and a dock
to leap off even if our only landing
be a lake not even named for this state
of mind

the illest noise be sacred
be our hands clapping together
taking back the rhythm of our hearts
disrupted from one too many times
being told you’re not good enough
this be believing
be the off-key reminder
of the truth we sing of our selves
as uptown we
begin as poems
we breathe
believe
we love
song.

ballin'

too early mornings begin
with texts about ballin’
at Foster beach, it is just
cracking dawn.

someone’s heart cracked
long ago, somewhere between
the heat of an upside down
frying pan and the sting
of a slapped cheek

it is just another morning
after a night of tracing shadows
from streetlight ghosts streaming in
from the window, a night of wincing
back whisky or recalling the lover
who did that enough for the both of you,

and you think it’s not supposed to be
like this. or it’s just whatever it is.
one choice always seems like a good idea
at the time. all it takes
is one loose rock to fall—
I am wary of the very forces that crumble mountains
under our feet. or blame our peasant ways
on eruptions. fuck defeat. fuck whatevers
and fuck who gives a fuck.
nobody's talkin’
‘bout tossin’
in the towel. this just be
another dawn.

an uptown love song.

love is emotional/mental/physical/personal/communal/spiritual/political...
this is the first of [hopefully] many rooftop poetry jams by shm & t.

we start with i ams
i slam door shuts to keep in cold gusts
from AC's
please play me that track again
this reprise of a previous rewrite
of a previous re-life
i find
i am
only as i stand
here with u fam
i am
only as i stand
here with u
fam, do you feel me? us
is cold gusts & slammed door shuts
in our faces for decades & seconds
speak our hearts' tales like drum breaks
i handshake & hug & hand hold & bug & break down
cuz somehow i've found
i am
only as i stand
here with u fam
i know i am repeating myself
but love, love, is worth repeating
like hitting that rewind button
on a slow jam in order to be sleeping
like putting your head down
while mafia be creeping
like making room on magic tiles
for acid river leaping
we're all trying not to get swept up
in the current state of affairs
i swear we get down & push up more
than just our body weight when we stand up
shit, i'll cuss if that means
love, love, can be
no, love, love can breathe
see, we r the lungs, love, so breathe
we r chill couches turned cradles
birth movements of young able
broken tables & bread crumbs
breakin bread upon tables
our stomachs grumble like families
no longer able to stay in their homes
this is an uptown love song
to the heat in the meat of our bones
an uptown love song
to the reach in the slingshotted stone
shattering towering goliath powers
man these condos have grown way out of control
but this is control brother
this is power sister
we r heat rash & blisters
cuz we r the closest fist to the sun
our tongues r the closest spit of the gun
cuz our language can stop even bullets & bulldozers
bullshit & pull overs by flashing lights on squad cars
we r the keys to these handcuffs
the free to this city
the bite of the cold gusts
the slam of the door shuts
the we without pity
unity claps & freestyle raps drift
off lips
& we listen to our poems with
our hips
because this is
& this is

& this is for
my brothers & sisters
each poets resisting the problems
of this system with throats run dry
with every ice breaker, each
seemingly lame excuse we come up with
for y’all to vibe with your small groups

we break bread & build this home together
with faces that change on the daily,
over fried rice becoming
more than just friends but family
once just cliques n immigrants
mama’s boyz n modern day bearers of peace
extra extra read all about it
the new news gonna roll through spitting stories
of street corners they be avoidin cuz the O.G.’s
got the block on lock down
ladies can’t keep their heads up
without fearing a fist wrapped ‘round
a lock of hair bob bobbing up n down
bob bobbing
heads barely above water

we r just treading through these mean streets
arms grow weary with the weight of a pen
that rewrites our histories
& sings the praises of our names
arms grow weary with resistance
the weight of a pen that keeps us
closed in from home room
to home work to the work day
to minimum wage
to count down the minutes left on break
to count the number of prisons
that take too many of us
before voting age

sometimes we cry without telling each other
& sometimes you see our hearts on our sleeves
unafraid to show
that no matter the heat
we r each still breathing
no matter how hot the hood gets
we r each still dreaming
of these very streets
that run rampant in our very veins
we r the very same as those that come before us
whether from Foster’s shores or
from across the globe or
the same sorrows of a third eviction notice

as uptown fam, we break bread together
cuz all we got
r broken windows & empty storefronts
we don’t even notice next door
barely breaking even at the end of the day
circuit breakers keep our pizza cold
tryin to breakdance reminds my knees
that I am too old for this
but I too know
that we
as fam
move forward in a mass
of muscles
& music
& struggles

from break beats
to heart beats

as uptown we
say hell fucking no
don’t condo my ‘partment for a Target
lock us out of neighborhood parks
assume unlawful assembly
or make black folk live only on one block
when the city claims desegregation

these r my rights, these r my reasons
for staying true to a zip code
that has been my stomping ground
for more nights than I can remember
& many more that I’d like to forget
this is our space, our home we r making
the most unsuspecting of fam that gathers
‘round trays of harold’s chicken & plates piled high
with someone’s maybe first meal of the day

it’s crazy to think
that all we have been blessed with
starts with a black gate
& a blank slate
to spray paint our stories as
a way of saying we’re here to stay
these r our rights
these r our reasons
to live for so many things
when they all start with one.
this is
freedom.
this is
love.

clearing up the clutter from the night’s feast
& I get a call from my ma that my uncle’s passed
because of cancer; it’s the same day that my cousin
has just had a baby. breaking bread
with you, extended fam,
somehow completes this cycle of a life
we struggle through together
sitting in a room of silhouettes painted on the wall in pencil,
still life portraits that no amount of rubbing can erase
because each of our every presence brings us one gift closer
to sharing something no alderman, no zoning code can take away

as uptown we
begin as poems
to our selves
i am
a way of standing
speaking
living
breathing
love into our selves
as cold gusts into parched lungs
love can breathe, see
love is we be
we be the lungs, love, so sing.